allow me to tell a tale

2 Sep

Yesterday Sean and I went to the library with Jasper. Sean retreated to a corner to study, and Jasper and I hit up the kid’s section, wherein there were a zillion other kids playing. Jasper spent a few minutes confused, because usually when we go there’s one or two other kids, but he then (somewhat cautiously) joined in the fray with five or six of them. At some point, I noticed a girl, probably around 7, who was with her brother, who is probably around 3. She was explaining to him why we share, and how we share, and basically all the details of sharing, and all of the sudden, I had a turn-on-the-light-switch moment.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, let me explain. Leah said this thing on her blog once, that people have told her waiting to figure out if you want to have second child is like you’re sitting alone in a dark room, waiting to want to turn on the light switch. Like, you’re totally cool with being in the dark, but then, all of the sudden, you want a light on.

I know that I’m going to have this feeling–that I’m going to get sudden pangs and want to have a zillion more babies in the future–even though Sean and I aren’t having anymore biological children. I don’t think taking the ability away will make that any less real–if anything, it’s biology at its finest. So, yesterday, I all of the sudden realized what an amazing older brother Jasper would be, and how sweet and nurturing he would be, and how much I would love watching him teach a younger sibling about the world.

So. There’s that.

And then, today, we baby-sat a three year old daughter of a friend of mine. For 7 hours. And, that light switch? It’s definitely off, thank you very much, and I’m back to the place where the thought of even being pregnant again makes me want to throw up.

However, this has nothing to do with the child, because she is fabulous and we actually all had a really awesome time together, but more to do with the sheer chaos that is two children. I now realize that if we were to have anymore children, biologically or through adoption, it would have to be when Jasper is at least seven, or old enough to not need us as much as younger child does, whenever that is. The biggest thing I had a problem with today was that I constantly felt like I wasn’t able to give Jasper to amount of attention that he usually gets from me–which is the amount of attention I always want to give him, and it’s what he expects. I could literally see confusion in his face, and it wasn’t because I was with our friend’s daughter–it was moments in which I was just busy doing something for her, or for the both of them. Sean was home all day, so it wasn’t that Jasper and our friend’s daughter didn’t have equal attention–it was just that I was not able to focus on Jasper like I usually do. It, this inability to give my little love all of the attention in the world that I have, sucked.

I’m not trying to imply that ALL parents with more than one child face this, but it’s something that I don’t think I could personally negotiate around. Jasper and I have spent the last 17 months of his life building a truly solid and beautiful relationship. We are closer than I am with almost anyone else, and we can’t even have “real” conversations yet. Jasper can recognize me by scent, and the only other person who can do that is Sean. Sometimes, every so often at night, I realize that we’re breathing together, as we did when he was still growing inside me. So, you know, it’s deep. And I’m not saying my relationship with my child is any more deep (deeper?) than your relationship with your child, but this is the point of view I’m approaching this whole future children thing–and the lack thereof.

Is it weird that I spend so much time pondering something that (most likely, because you can never rule out a random twist of fate) isn’t going to happen?

And honestly? I’m just so glad we have Jasper and only Jasper. I didn’t know how the energy shifts when a house of three becomes a house of four–there were insanely mega fun times, and our car trip back home from the pool was a blissed out scene straight out of the most amazing parenting movie ever, but the chaotic bits filled with just trying to make sure two small mouths are getting food in them at the same time were nuts. Part of this could be the differences in age and personality, but I think another part of it is the constant shifting of focus required of the parents and/or caregivers. It’s, to say the least, a challenge.

You know what else is a challenge? Getting the tremendous amount of “Gaga Wady” that I listened to today out of my head. I’d never heard “Bad Romance” until today, but now I’ve heard it 18 thousand times. Over and over and over again. Who knew her tunes were worse than sugar for kids?

PS: Stuff like this:

Still gets me.

PPS: What do you do when your two kids (or more) have totally different personalities? Today, I asked my friend’s daughter if she wanted to go to the library–by the number of times I mention it here, you probably gather that we go a lot. Jasper’s face immediately lit up at just the mention of the word, but she just looked at me and asked, “Why?” This kid loves to read, but apparently saw no reason at all for us to visit the library. This is so radically different from Jasper that I was totally stumped, had no idea how to answer her, and just kind of shrugged.

whistle whistle whistle

1 Sep

Jasper and I are working on a photo project together.

By working, I mean that I set up my tripod and attempt to get my 17 month old to happily comply with what I envision in my head. This mostly works, kind of, sort of, except, you know, not really.

Something I have been complaining about is that I no longer feel like I’m really exerting a lot of my creativity for FUN. I basically take photos of Jasper or take photos for work–both of these are definitely FUN, but they’re also not…like, I used to do a lot of self portraiture. In retrospect, a lot of it isn’t that great (low quality cameras, poorly executed ideas, and ew, textures), but the point is that I was really exploring my potential and figuring out who I was as a photographer. (Side note! I was just going through the set, and I really still like this one. I forgot all about it. La la la.) Now, I explore who other people are in the context of weddings and sessions, which is often times fabulous, but also a job.

Taking photos of Jasper is an entirely different thing–I do it because I want to remember every single second of his life. That’s not possible, but I want to have tangible evidence of how wonderful he was and is. Also, it’s just easy.

SO! This is how I’m reconciling everything–Jasper is going to be my new creative partner, and we are an awesome photo duo. Here are some outtakes (they’re outtakes mostly because the remote is visible in almost all of them) from today, the first day of our project. It will take a few days, maybe even a week or two, to finish, but I’ll put different outtakes up on here, and, naturally, the final product.

now I understand parents that always drink at dinner (KIDDING!)

31 Aug

Seriously, though. Dinner time is about to break me.

Jasper and I have blissful days together. We have blissful evenings together. We have blissful nights, reading until he falls asleep on my shoulder, together. You know the ONE PART of our day that isn’t so peachy-keen?

DINNER.

You guys, it’s getting to me. When Sean’s not home for dinner, I sometimes (like tonight) spend 40 minutes making REALLY delicious, really healthy food that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt Jasper loves. I intentionally only make meals that I know he loves to make both of our lives easier. And you know what happens? Half the time, maybe 75% of it, he throws the food all around the kitchen. Mostly, on the floor, but sometimes at me, sometimes at the fridge, and sometimes on himself.

I don’t know what to dooooooo. I literally got so emotional about it earlier tonight that I had to step away from the situation and regroup, because it actually pained me that he was doing this. Part of it is the SHEER WASTE, because it’s disgusting how much food just gets tossed around our kitchen every single night, food that anyone could eat, food that is well-made and tasty and good for you. Part of it is the time I put into it. Part of it is knowing that if he DOESN’T eat enough he’s going to wake up in the middle of the night, hungry, and I’m going to spend 30 minutes rocking him back to sleep.

It’s hardest to deal with the nights that Sean is out after dinner–when he’s home, at least we have each other, and we can ignore it or tackle it or handle it however we agree upon. When it’s just me? I just feel helpess and hopeless and woooooe is me.

Seriously, I need to know–how long do they throw food? Do some people throw food forever? Should I prepare myself for this possibility? I can’t think of anything else to do to get him to eat more food. I put cheese on it, and he eats the cheese off and throws the food. I give him oranges to go with it, and he eats the oranges, spits out the pulpy part, and then throws the rest of his food. I. Do. Not. Understand.

You know what he will eat? Tofu. Homeboy will eat the HELL out of some tofu, and for this I am grateful.

I had to end on a positive note.

this is why we never go anywhere

30 Aug

Non-parents beware: this is a parent post.

Today I took Jasper to a new story time. Our regular story time is at a library, and we love it, and we’re still going there, but I figured since he’s staying up in the morning, another story time would be a great way to keep him active and engaged. Plus, you know, it might be a great way to meet other parents! Who I might get along with! Maybe! Kind of! You know? Yeah, so, we went to story time. We went on the bus, which already made Jasper’s day complete (by 9 in the morning! Awesome parent move.), and then when I told him we were going to see books! And listen to a story! And the story was about a DOG! his eyes got gigantic and he grinned like a fool.

ANYWAY.

So we got to story time way early because the bus here is terribly inefficient, but it was ok, because Jasper walked/crawled around and got into stuff and had an awesome time. When it was time, we went over to the reading area and settled in. At the library, everyone sits together, in one gigantic group. Here? Not so much. I have quite the sociological eye, having spent five years studying the topic and graduating with a B.A. in it, so I immediately notice things like…hey, all the white kids and parents are on one side! And the black kids and parents are on the other! And guess who is in the middle? THE ONE ASIAN KID. So I intentionally sat Jasper between the Asian child and the black kids, just so he doesn’t always believe he lives in a sea of white faces, and it turned out to be the better side of the story time to sit on (not because of their races, I’m not going there. By the way, have I mentioned that I believe honest and frank discussion of race and ethnicity is the only way to really move past the problem of talking about it? Ok, so yeah, that’s what I think, hence the lack of bullshitting around the topic right now). It was the better side to sit on because there were some cranky/sleepy kids running about on the other side, and one girl in particular kept crying/screaming every time she wasn’t allowed to rip pages out of books or run up to the woman reading the book and take the book from her, or take a toy from a kid, etc.

Ok, interjection time–I know that the toddler years are hard. Trust me. I’m not blaming this kid for her behavior, because it was clearly being allowed. Moving on.

Anyway, so the girl who kept screaming was really distressing to Jasper. He is pretty sensitive, and his reaction to another child crying and/or screaming is to make his sad face, and if they keep doing it, he usually starts crying. I don’t know if it scares him or if he feels bad for them or what, but this is always what happens. So she’s screaming, and I’m trying to talk to Jasper about how Clifford is at the circus with elephants, and luckily for us, Clifford works, because Jasper then becomes the only kid, out of about 15, that is paying attention the book. He laughs at the right parts and “oohs” at others and toward the end of the book, the woman was basically just reading to him, because every time he laughed she laughed.

After story time they have this activity time, but since Jasper is too young for it, we went to play with the other kids around his age. I was trying not to be on edge about the whole mom (no dads were present) thing, but it’s always a challenge for me, because I never feel like anyone is going to talk to me. I’m always the youngest, always differently dressed (even if I’m not wearing particularly crazy or loud clothing), always this, always that. Two of the moms were on their phones, and the other two groups (three or four moms each) already knew each other, so they were hanging out on opposite sides while the kids all played with toys in the middle. So I put Jasper down, and he actually WALKED to the table (yay! I think he was inspired by everyone around him) and started playing, and I kind of hovered in the middle of the mom groups, trying to figure out who I should talk to and what I should say. Right when I was going to make my move, I noticed a little girl, the little girl from earlier, making a beeline toward Jasper.

My stomach sank, because her beeline was not the type that reads “I’m going to play with you and have so much fun!” It was more like “I’m totally going to mow you over.” And I was trying to figure out what I should do, if anything, and then half-dove to where Jasper was, because you know what this kid did? SHE PUSHED HIM DOWN. Like, a real push, a HARD push. She used both of her hands. He wasn’t in her way, and he wasn’t doing anything to her, and she didn’t even want the toy he had–she just pushed him, with both hands, just to do it, I guess. Just because. And I scooped him up, and immediately looked this 2 1/2 year old girl in the face and said, “We have to be gentle when we play.”

Her mom? Didn’t even bat an eyelash. Her mom’s friends? Looked at me like I was crazy batshit out of my mind.

I am sorry, but if you’re not teaching your child that it’s NOT ok to push people down, if you don’t say something when he or she does this, then I’m going to say something. I would completely expect another parent to do this if Jasper pushed their kid down, and I would also reinforce that this is not acceptable behavior to Jasper.

After she pushed him down, she screamed in his face and then went over in a corner to where another boy was and grabbed a book. She was going through it, and another boy accidentally bumped into her. She screamed in that boy’s face, and when the boy got upset, his mom (who is a friend of the girl’s mom) just said, “Oh, she’s just telling you she needs her space.”

O-kay.

We’re going back next week, though, because this group? Totally needs to be shaken up a little.

Month Seveteen.

27 Aug

Dear Jasper,

HI, MY BIG 17 MONTH OLD BOZO BABY!

Um, yes, this Bozo thing.

I’m not sure when it happened, but for some reason or another, we’ve started calling you Bozo. Like, a lot. Like..sometimes I wonder if you answer to it. It started as an alliterative game — we’d be like, “Bedtime for Bozo!” or “Bathtime for Bozo!” and now, we’ll just be like, “Hey, Bozo! Want to read a book?” I don’t know, kid. I don’t know why we do these things.

This month I finally got around to making a photo book from 2009 — with all of our photos in it. Not all of them, but it’s 80 pages of as many photos as I could possibly cram onto a page and have it still look decent, so that’s quite a bit. One reason I take so many photos all the time is that I love to do it, but another is that I want you to have something tangible from your infancy, toddler-hood, childhood, and so on and so forth. I want you to be able to see what we were like before we even knew you were ever going to exist, and then what we were all like as a family in these early days. I’m planning on continuing to take photos as long as I’m breathing, so you’ll have…a zillion of them. I sincerely hope that these photos and photo albums are as interesting to you as they are to me. I hope that you can see the love that we have for you, and that went into documenting these memories. I know we’re going to inevitably encounter a time in which you don’t want to have your photo taken quite as often, and that’s ok — that’s fine. I will do my best to respect this.

LUCKILY (for me), Bozo, that time is not now!

This past month has been filled with many happenings, milestones, and events, just as much of your life has been. You’re still seeing the docs at St. Jude’s, but the most recent trip was one of the more harrowing, as you are starting to piece together this whole doctor business, and realized when you went back in the office what was going to happen. Let’s just say this — you were not pleased. You are never pleased while you’re having blood taken (and no one blames you), but you weren’t happy to even see anyone, let alone go back in a room with them, let alone have your dad sit you down and hold you while they took blood from your body.

I also spend a lot of time crying with you and apologizing to you for this after it happens — every single time. Sometimes at night, once you’re asleep, I just whisper you apologies, even though it’s not my fault that this happens, and I can’t control it. I worry that you think your dad and I are just letting people do this to you, that we don’t realize how much pain you’re in, or how scared you are. Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night, crying and screaming with bad dreams, and I wonder if you’re remembering the doctor’s visits. This plagues me. So I wanted to just take this moment and tell you now: we are sorry this happens. If we could prevent this, we would. If we could fix it, if we could make your platelets function the way they should, we would do it. If we could have our blood taken instead of yours, we would do it faster than you can say..well, Bozo (sorry, Boo, I had to lighten the mood a little).

I think your favorite part of this past month has been riding on my bike with me — we recently bought you a front-of-the-bike seat that can go on either of our bikes, and you LOVE it. Naturally, I asked Ashley to come over and take a few photos of us all riding around as a family, being bike-loving people, since that’s what we are.

So far, you and I have taken three bike trips together. Our longest was this morning, when we rode around for 30 minutes. I went a little faster than I did the first time, and you would throw both of your arms up in the air and go “ooooh!” It was awesome, and I think you’re going to be one hell of a roller coaster rider when that time comes.

You’re trucking right along developmentally — we can get you to walk all over the place at home, but you usually like to hold one of our hands when you do it outside of our home. You’ve started saying read (either “weed” or “ead”), and sometimes you’ll wake me up by stacking books on top of my stomach and saying “Mama, ‘ead.” I do, of course, because what else can you do in that situation? And, you know, I enjoy it.

You are still one of the sweetest and most cuddliest people I know. You say “hi” and wave to almost everyone you see, and you’re always giving big smiles and looking around. When we read, I ask you if you want to sit with me, and you rush over and sit down between my arms (if we’re lying on the ground) or lay on my stomach (if we’re on the couch or in bed). You love giving kisses and hugs, and we spend quite a few twenty or thirty minute sessions together sitting on the couch, you in my lap, watching Sesame Street. These are some my favorite times of day.

I love you,

Mom

i’d like to talk with you, ’til dawwww-wn

26 Aug

I take back anything positive I’ve ever said about our car, because yesterday it died on me, in the middle of a turning lane, and I was all by myself with Jasper and our dog, and it was..humorous. It was nice, I guess, because some guy who works for a glass company stopped and helped us, and then at least 18 different cars stopped while we were waiting for Sean and his friend Blake, all asking if they could help us, but man. That car. THAT CAR. At least it wasn’t 90 bazillion degrees outside.

Can we take a second and talk about these?




Especially the 3rd one? When did my child become an angsty teen-ager? I mean, I know the 90s are coming back, but does this mean that Jasper is going to bust out the Nirvana and Pearl Jam next week? Should I go get some black nail polish for him? Am I confusing my genres (grunge and emo)? Does it matter?

I love this kid.

adventures at the library

25 Aug

Today is DAY TWO of solo parenting! YES! It has turned into a two-days-of-the-week thing and I don’t even know what to say about this other than it’s actually…not…so bad? I mean, I would rather have Sean home, but I think I can handle this thing.

For started, I DROVE OUR CAR this morning. To and from somewhere. It happened. It was successful. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned (like 85 times a day, but you know), but our car is a manual (stick shift) and we’ve had it for a year — this summer is the first that I’ve gotten behind the wheel in any serious kind of way. So. This, the driving thing, is still a big deal for me.

When I realized this morning that Sean was leaving this morning, I was all, what are we going to dooooooo?! What to do, what to doooo?! And then, I was motivated to drive, and I did, and now Jasper is napping because we stayed out all morning and it was awesome. Our afternoon plans are up in the air, but they probably include returning this god forsaken tricycle we bought Jasper the other day, because his feet don’t reach the pedals all the way and it just makes him angry.

So we were at the library this morning, and Jasper’s cruising around, and then he, inevitably knocked over a big stack of books. I was putting them back up, and all of the sudden saw this big, bright red, menacing CHILDREN’S book called (I’m not even lying) The Terrorists. It was clearly old (way, way pre-9/11), but I was still intrigued, especially since it listed many major Islamic organizations on the front — most of which are not considered terrorist organizations (the present ones), or weren’t originally (some were very old), but you know –they weren’t organizations or civilizations made up of Europeans or Americans, or, specifically, WHITE PEOPLE, so of course they get the terrorist label.

I was genuinely puzzled by this book and what it was doing in the children’s section of the library, or ANY section of ANY library ANYwhere, and then I noticed that the one next to me (the title escapes me) was about letting go of prejudices and not judging people right away. If The Terrorists had not been so creepy, I probably would have laughed, but instead, I did something I never, ever thought I would do. I became that mom.

I marched up to the desk, baby on hip, clutching both The Terrorists and the love-everyone book, and politely said, “Excuse me..?” The library turned around, and I explained to her that I was truly disturbed by The Terrorists, and couldn’t understand why it was on the shelf in the first place, especially since it’s outdated and basically mean, and then pointed out the irony of the two books being next to one another. I also apologized for complaining to her about this, because I’m not the type of person who complains to get my way (you know, complains to the waiter about my food to get free food, or complains about my hotel room to get an upgrade, whatever), but that I really was surprised by this book. She looked at it, and then immediately noted that it’s really old, and definitely doesn’t belong on the shelves — whether it’s old or not. I thanked her for listening to me and noticing this, and went on my way.

And you know what? I felt AWESOME about this. I felt awesome because I really wouldn’t want Jasper, or any kid, to stumble upon that book, read it, and internalize it. I felt, and feel, like I did a good thing for children. So I talked about it here, because this is where I come for stuff like that.

flying solo

24 Aug

Since Sean is back in school now, Tuesdays are my solo parenting day.

Ok, before I go further, let me say that I know this is not exactly ground-breaking, and that there are plenty of parents who are home alone with their child or children during the day every day, and on top of that there are plenty of parents who are single parents and are the only ones caring for their child all the time, and the fact that I have one measly day in which I am the only one doing the hardcore parenting is not really that big of a deal, but can you indulge me? Please? Because I have gotten very used to this sweet set-up Sean and I have been working with since April, the one in which he quit his office job and started working part-time, which meant that he was home a lot and we could both handle parenting and general life, and it’s awesome. It’s still mostly like that, though there are 3 nights out of 5 week nights in which I am the one in charge of making dinner, which in and of itself is totally terrifying, because seriously? I don’t cook. I can make a tempeh burger, an omelet, or macaroni and cheese (from scratch! but usually a box), and that’s basically it. I can chop up some fruit like no one’s business, and we have a rice steamer, so I can successfully pour rice and then follow it with water and turn the thing on. Jasper usually likes it.

ANYWAY.

So I’m the solo parent on Tuesdays. Instead of letting this intimidate me, I decided to make Tuesdays SUPER AWESOME AMAZING day in which Jasper and I go on adventures. I also decided this because it blows my mind that so many parents stay home all day with their kid(s) and never leave the house, because we definitely want Jasper to know there’s a great big gigantic world out there, beckoning him to learn about it.

Today we took the bus to a book store, because Jasper is in love (in LOVE) with the bus and with books. We took the bus downtown the other night and he actually cried, like tantrum style, when we got off it. So now, the bus is a huge part of our conversations, and I even took him to the bus stop early so we could watch other buses go by, which he loved. Anyway, we went to the book store.

Can I interject here and say that if you go to a Starbucks it doesn’t count as a “local” coffee shop? Because a guy today was saying how awesome it is to have such a great local shop, and it’s a Starbucks. In a bookstore, but that doesn’t make it any more or less local — it’s a franchise, you guys. They’re everywhere. Local = locally owned, locally operated.

End tangent.

We went to the bookstore, and the first thing Jasper did was try to make friends:

Unfortunately for Jasper, this dude was a good 8 years older than him, and wasn’t so interested in becoming BFF with a 16 month old. He did say hi to him, and laughed a little when Jasper laughed at him, but he quickly vacated once I started reading a Clifford book out loud (and softly! So as not to disturb!).

Jasper didn’t care, and we moved on to the spot where the train is set up, because Jasper also looooooves trains (do you see how he’s staring at the train super intently? It was on a table in front of us. He’s like, camera? Whatever.):

We also spent time contemplating a very important question:

And, of course, hit up a photo booth that was nearby, because I’m obsessed:

Sadly, the quality of the photo booth images is not super because the curtain kept blowing back and forth in the wind. I only managed to shimmy my foot up to the top of the machine to hold it in place (while also balancing Jasper, 5 points for me!) in the last shot.

Then we returned to Jasper’s second favorite spot (the first is on the bus, of course), the bus stop:

And now? I have no idea what we’ll do next Tuesday. Maybe we’ll swim! Maybe we’ll visit friends! Maybe we’ll do the exact same thing we did today because it was well received! Maybe, maybe, maybe.

23 Aug

Sean got a book of poems for Jasper from the library the other day — this book is definitely beyond the level that Jasper is at, but Sean enjoys reading poetry to him anyway because he thinks it will help his brain develop in interesting ways. I mean, there are more reasons, but that’s one of them. Anyway, the book is Reach for the Moon by Samantha Abeel, and here’s a poem that really stood out to me:

Self Portrait
To show you who I am
I crawled inside a tree, became its roots, bark and leaves,
listened to its whispers in the wind.
When fall came and painted the leaves red and gold
I wanted to shake them across your lawn
to transform the grass into a quilt, a gift spread at your feet,
but their numbers eluded me,
so I turned a piece of paper into my soul
to send to you so that you might see
how easily it can be crumpled and flattened out again.
I wanted you to see my resilience,
but I wasn’t sure how to arrange the numbers in your address,
so I danced with the Indians in the forest
and collected the feathers that fell from the eagle’s wings,
each one a wish for my future,
but I lost track of their numbers, gathered too many,
and was unable to carry them home
so I reaped the wind with my hair,
relived its journey through my senses, and
felt its whispered loneliness, like lakes in winter,
but it was too far and you could not follow me.

Now I’ve written out their shadows
like the wind collects it secrets
to whisper into receptive ears, and I
will leave them at your doorstep,
a reminder of what others cannot see,
a reminder of what I can and cannot be.

——

Seriously, Sean read this to me two days ago, and it’s still stirring up things in my head. Jasper seems to be less impressed, but, you know. He only knows so many words right now.

Speaking of, the latest word is “read.” He actually says “ead” or “weed,” and he rarely does it upon request, but he’s getting there.

……count the headlights on the highway

19 Aug

So, I’ve decided that I want my next job to be reviewing the mixes on Since 78. I have been excitedly looking forward to mixes from him ever since Ashley first introduced me to the site and I added it to my Google Reader (I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU GOOGLE READER). The mixes are amazing because it’s usually an awesome combination of music I know well and music I’ve never heard in my LIFE, all pretty and packaged together neatly and nicely.

I love mixes. In middle school I used to tape songs off the radio over and over, just making mix tape after mix tape, all on top of each other on the same few tapes. I would do almost anything to have those tapes again, but I can almost guarantee you that they’d be filled with Backstreet Boys, Hanson, and like…Third Eye Blind or someone along those lines, whoever was big on the radio, so I’m not sure it would be worth it. In high school I was introduced to the concept of mix CDs (fancy!) after I met my friend Kim, and we subsequently devoted our entire high school careers to driving around endlessly, listening to the mix CDs we’d made, discussing life and love and joy and sorrow and movies and boys, pretending to be Penny Lane, and being the kind of girls who love life a little too easily, and thus get easily hurt. Oh, and Oasis. Because, seriously, we loved/love them so much that they deserve their own category, complete with an upper-case O. I still have some of these untitled (Sean usually writes “Stephanie Cool Red-headed Girl Bryant” (maiden name!) on them) CDs, and they are filled with Beatles, solo Harrison, Genius is Pain, Oasis, more Beatles, some Britney and Christina, and probably more Third Eye Blind. At some point I got more into listening to CDs and taking them in and out of my car’s CD player at breakneck speed, shoving them back into the gigantic zipper cases I had for them, and flipping through said cases while driving because I have a habit of not being able to sit through a whole song, or series of songs, if I’m not in the mood for it/them.

So now that I don’t drive a lot, and also now that my disc burner is broken, I don’t really make mixes. And my point in all of this? Is that it’s awesome that people take the time to make mixes, upload them, and then let you download them all in one neat, clean, beautiful format. And Brian Gossett’s are so awesome that if I had found out about them in high school, I probably would have a crush on him, and imagine that he looks like Javier Bardem (OHMYGAH, I saw Eat Pray Love the other day! Good, but Mr. Bardem will always be Florentino Ariza to me, and therefore perfect.) and that he’s a genius, and would have obsessively read his site all the time, waiting for him to post a new one so I could pounce on it. Kind of like now, just minus the crush.

Speaking of music, tonight I took Jasper to an art thing downtown. It was basically an artist’s market, and the kind of thing that should be regular but isn’t. Jasper had an awesome time, particularly when we rounded the corner and discovered this group of 15 or so recorder players all playing together. I didn’t think Jazz would really react, but he did, and his reaction was one of silent awe and wonder. He watched them for a full fifteen or twenty minutes, taking breaks to smile or clap, but spending most of his time chewing on a forefinger and just listening. It was incredible. Then we met up with Sean and Kali and had fun family awesome time, which involved watching Jasper eat raisins and everyone loving each other.

← Older Entries